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Yes, it’s true. As supportive as family and friends can be while planning your wedding, they can also drive you CRAZY. Maybe there’s the sister who’s a little jealous because you’re getting the attention, a BFF/Maid of Honor who is sad she’s ‘losing’ her best friend, the Mom who wants your wedding to be perfect because hers wasn’t, the future mother-in-law who is fretting about losing her baby son… the list can go on and on, and that’s the one thing I get queried about constantly ~ “My family is driving me crazy. What do I do?”

Well, here’s some suggestions. And it’s going to mean giving up some of your control, but some of the happiest brides I’ve seen (and that’s been almost 1000!!) are the ones who have given up little parts of their special day to make someone else happy. They get to show up at their wedding and go “Look! It’s a party and it’s for ME (and the groom, of course)”. And the best part is that while you’re ‘giving up’, these people are feeling special, AND they’re doing something to make YOU happy, and they’re doing it with love ♥. 

I kind of equate it to the emergency/CPR training I’ve had ~ if someone passes out, you’re not supposed to just yell at the crowd that’s gathered around, “Someone call 9-1-1!”~ you’re supposed to grab one person, look them in the eye and say “YOU! ~ call 9-1-1!!”. 

So, here’s some of my “My family’s driving me crazy” 9-1-1: 

Before the wedding: 

♥ Give the people driving you the most crazy with suggestions or just simply willingness to help something specific to do. Grab them and say “YOU! are completely in charge of my bridal shower” or “YOU! are in charge of my flowers”. You can give them big jobs and little jobs, but be specific. And once you give it over, you can’t interfere. Don’t overwhelm any one person with too many tasks. You’ll find a lot of people want to help, and that they will if you give them something to feel special. 
To-be-Mom-in-Law pouting because her baby’s getting married and she’s feeling left out? Ask her to host your bridal shower. Or ask her to help the groom and groomsmen get their outfits for the big day. Ask your best friend to give you a blow out bachelorette party. Ask your sister to help you pick out the bridesmaids dresses in your colors. Ask your Mom to be in charge of the flowers. Now, again, you’re going to be giving up some control, but the best part is that while the flowers might not be exactly what YOU would have picked, it’s something Mom picked FOR you from her heart. And you might get something a little more extravagant than if you were just giving Mom the bill.  

♥ Bridesmaids dresses or groomsmen outfits ~ Now, while you most likely want to be a part of this, I’ve also had brides give this over to someone they trust (sister, BFF, mother-in-law-to-be) by being only specific enough to say “It’s David’s Bridal ‘pool’”. The bridesmaids go shopping, get the dresses they like, and the bride has the knowledge that they’ve gotten something they may actually wear again, and she will not be responsible for another hideous bridesmaid dress. I’ve also had brides say “A summer dress in any shade of blue”, and gave the bridesmaids matching jewelry as their gifts … these have turned out very cute, too. Groomsmen are a little trickier ~ you can’t trust every ‘guy’ to turn up in the correct ‘white shirt/khaki pants’ combo … it’s nice to have someone go shopping with them. 

♥ Give someone the task of helping with the little tchotckes that go on tables ~ you might not be a wedding belle, but maybe your best friend/sister/cousin/mom-in-law is. EVERYONE has a hard time with favors ~ if you put someone in charge of your “coral and ecru themed beach wedding” favors, they might come up with something surprisingly unique and fun for you and your guests. While you’re overwhelmed with hundreds of little details, they get to focus on and research for one item, and they’re going to make sure it’s the best. 

Day of: 
♥ I had a bride not too long ago show up at the reception hall with a gaggle of female family and friends all wanting to help. She pulled out two big boxes of centerpiece items she’d collected, pointed to the 10 tables and gave each person a table and a sign saying “This table lovingly decorated for Justin and Sally by ______”, went and got ready, and let everyone create their own tables for the bride and groom. Not only did it get a lot accomplished, but everyone felt special and like they had contributed, and they all wanted to make theirs the best. And the bride NEVER walked into the room and looked at the centerpieces and thought “The blue candles are supposed to be next to the white ones, not the coral ones” or fretted over how it was ’supposed’ to look. She was just happy with everyone’s unique interpretation, and they were happy being creative for her. 

♥ I also often see a lot of friends and family show up to help on the special day … and the bride taking over and not allotting jobs, so there’s a bunch of people standing around not knowing what to do. IT’S OK TO ASK FOR HELP AND TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO DO. Create a list of specific jobs, so when someone asks, you can look at the list and say “Yes, will you please …”. 
While you’ve been thinking about your wedding 24/7 for the past 6 months or more, they’ve been … well, not. And Cousin Rebecca who showed up because Aunt Rachel made her isn’t going to know what to do when you just say “Help”. Tell her “Please put the tablecloths on the tables”, or “The little pink buckets need to be lined up on the tables with everyone’s name tag set in the sand”. Work with people’s known strengths. If Aunt Bessie is creative, have her make the bows or decorate the gift table. If Cousin Monica is artistic, have her make signs for the wedding and reception. You’ll get so much more done if *you’re* organized first, and can organize and distribute tasks during the last minute push. Again, they have one or two tasks, while you have many more, and they’re going to make sure theirs are done to perfection. 

So, in summary, it’s OK to ask for help, and to be specific. Start practicing letting go NOW ~ “What can I do to help?” is much better responded to with “You can put the candles in the holders” than “Oh, I got it” or “Help with the decorating”. Remember, when calling out for 9-1-1, look them in the eye. 

Here are some ‘job’ ideas to give to people:
♥ Flowers
♥ Bridal shower
♥ Bachelorette party
♥ Centerpieces 
♥ Groom/groomsmen shopping
♥ Bridesmaid dresses (in your colors, of course)
♥ Favors 
♥ Decorating

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 at 9:35 am and is filed under From Jennifer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.